Politics is Where the Competing Moral Visions of a Society Meet and Struggle

Loss of Friendship

By Tom Walsh

"I never had friends like I did when I was twelve." 

I just finished watching the movie Stand By Me.[1] The movie ends with the narration,  “I’ve never had friends like I did when I was twelve.  Jesus…does anybody?”  That ending struck a deep chord within me.  I grew up hanging out with, John Wolfe, Joe Prendergast, Kevin Bailey, and Dave Wilson.  We did everything together and were the best of friends.

Life as a kid was wonderful.  I lived life without a care.  I had no idea what was going on in the world and so I didn’t worry about much of anything.  I really had no sense of needing to prepare for life in any way.  Life was about having a good time and seeking adventurous things to do with your friends.  In grade school that meant hanging out in the schoolyard together.  In the winter it meant building igloos and having snowball fights.  And it meant exploring the railroad tracks, going swimming, and building tree forts together in the summer time. 

When high school came along, it meant going to parties, getting drunk and making time with the girls.  But as life went on, friends went on to college or off to work.  Soon there were weddings, children and relocations.  Friendships evaporated into occasional visits, filled with vain attempts to rekindle the relationship and reminisce about the good times.  After a while our lives seemed to have taken such different paths that only a shadow of the past remained.  It became enough to know that we still cared for each other and wish them well. 

Since then I’ve made new friends along the way.  Most of them have been women who seem to listen well.  I have a good priest friend that I admire and some men share a common path with me for a while.  But these companions never quite seem to reach the depth of love that is possible when you have no idea who it is you are with. 

The closest I come to that willing to die for you commitment is with my son.  And even there, I don’t know him like I wish I could.  I’m not sure there’s much we have in common anyway.  As his father I love him and I have no doubt that I would die for him.  I’m just not sure that equals friendship.  I’m not sure how others experience life, but I feel very alone at age fifty-five.  These days, I know of no one I could really call my best friend.

I wonder, is this the way God meant for things to turn out?  That complete awe I had for my friends at age twelve or the euphoria of my first love as a teenager — was it a form of worship?  Maybe in His Mercy God has a purpose in allowing us to suffer a loss of innocence.  The reality check we receive as adults helps us to detach from the things of this world and get down to the serious business of understanding and following the first Commandment:

In preparing for eternity, we must ultimately detach from everything and everyone here on earth leaving only room in our hearts for God and His Perfect Will. For it was Jesus who has already given His Life for me.  And it is God who will stand by me. 

The question now is will I be willing to stand by Him?